Teresa

I spent many years in a downward spiral trying to cope with the symptoms of PTSD that resulted from trauma I experienced while I served in the Army. While I was still in the service I started using alcohol, marijuana, and hashish to try to cope. Very soon I was a problem user. I sought professional help many, many times and found it to be either non-existent, inappropriate, or inadequate. Once I was even told I needed to work on my issues with my mother!

After I left the service I continued to abuse alcohol and marijuana and did so until 1986. It was interfering with my personal life and my ability to do my job, so I went to the EAP program at work and started going to a twelve step program and got clean and sober, but the thing was-even though I was clean and sober-I was still having trouble living my life. I was angry, depressed and lonely. I felt that no one could understand how I was feeling, because I couldn't stand being in my own skin. I was having panic attacks. I had an eating disorder. I was crying all the time. Although I hate to think where I'd be without the group and individual counseling I was getting, nothing seemed to have any positive effect because I still had a lot of trouble in my personal relationships.

I was watching a show on television one night and they were talking about the sexual abuse of women in Basic Training in the Army and the Tail Hook story. At the end of the report they gave an 800 number that women who had been assaulted in the service could call to ask for help if they needed it. I called the number right then. I was told to go to the PTSD clinic in San Jose and started attending a women's group. I felt I was on the right track, but my symptoms kept getting worse and worse until I had to quit work and I couldn't understand why I wasn't getting any better. Finally, a social worker suggested I apply to the WTRP.

In January of 2003 I became a patient in the Women's Trauma Recovery Program. It didn't take me long to realize that it was exactly what I needed. I learned so much! Needless to say, I didn't get to learn it all at once-I had an unfortunate encounter with some poppy seeds that caused me to have a positive drug test and I had to leave the group-but I was able to go back in June and made it through the whole program and it was both life-changing and life-affirming. I am one of the very fortunate graduates living in the area and can attend a group with other graduates every week to keep learning, growing, and working on my skills.

What I want women veterans of every age to know is that this program is so very good! If you suspect you have PTSD from anything you experienced while you served in the military, you deserve treatment that will help you to take the best possible care of yourself. I used to cancel appointments all the time and feel so tired I couldn't face going out the door. I couldn't look my neighbors in the face. I show up for life more than I used to, and I actually speak to my neighbors. These may seem insignificant to some people, but I know they are huge victories.