DJ

It took me 30 years to find WTRP. After long years of
self-destructive thoughts and behaviors, after 30 years of feeling alone and terribly unique, I found I was neither alone nor unique. I had spent 20 years going in and out of VA psychiatric wards, but nothing ever changed because I was never given any way to change or any tools to find the "whats" and "whys" of my life. After various diagnoses and innumerable prescriptions and no real hope that it was going to be any different-I was merely surviving, never really living-a wonderful doctor finally made the correct diagnosis and told me about this program and I finally got the feeling the light at the end of the tunnel wasn't just another on-coming train.

I entered the program with both trepidation and the hope that I would finally learn to change and know happiness. Once I saw what there was to be gained, my trepidation turned to excitement. I found there were people who truly cared about me even if I was unable to care for myself at the time, but growth is not always a pleasant experience. I began to see my weaknesses and fears, but I also began to see my strengths. I had not seen these before. I had also never known how to identify my own feelings, unless you count self-hate, fear, and anger, and I even worked tirelessly to avoid these. Growing up, I had been taught that my needs were irrelevant, but I learned that my feelings did matter, that my needs were relevant. I also began to believe in and feel the concern others had for me, something I never had believed or felt before. It helped me to start believing in myself.

The program did not "fix" me. It was not a magical medication for my wounds, but it did give me tools to use to work on those parts of myself that needed the work and still do. The interesting part of it all is that I now look forward to facing my demons and moving past them because facing them is so much less painful than not facing them.

I did not leave the program "cured." I have gone through some hard times since graduating and taken a couple of steps back here and there, but those steps have not defeated me or lessened my resolve to continue moving forward. WTRP was the best thing to happen to me in years, even though it was not easy. I am forever grateful for the lessons I learned and the skills I gained and the knowledge I did not leave the staff or their care and concern for me behind when I graduated.